


The Reason to Persist

by Ulyseen



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Blood and Injury, Chalastor, Changes in Life, Character Development, Confessions, Confusion, Dark Undertones, Drug Use, F/M, Falling In Love, Flirting, Fluff, Friendship, Hazbin Hotel - Freeform, Hell, Hurt/Comfort, Inner Demons, Inner fight, Love, Majority of The Story Takes Place Shortly After The Pilot, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Radio Demon - Freeform, Romance, Slow Build, Some Humor, Struggle, demons of the past, doubts, princess of hell
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:00:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23551189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ulyseen/pseuds/Ulyseen
Summary: Dear (not really) disgusting chalastor homophobes (so all of you, chalastor shippers),this fic is old, abandoned and I will never come back to it as chalastor is not my shit and never had been. Its toxic community is unbearable and disgusting, plus the concept of Alastor being with Charlie in an actual relationship is a fucking joke, a bad and annoying one. I keep this garbage-of-a-work just to cringe and thank fuck I dropped chalastor bullshit months ago.No regards, eat a bag of dicks!Enjoy your stay <:Alastor is being constantly haunted by the demons of his past.He is stuck in an endless chase for power and authority, yet, he can't understanding his feelings and doesn't even know whether it is what he truly craves in his life.The unknown path of facing his own emotions, along with his inner demons, has been determined after meeting someone special... someone with similar struggles and hardships he can relate to in so many ways.The road to owning his mind is filled with dilemmas and doubts in his own identity. Nevertheless, love is the most influential aspect he will ever face. Sadly, his grim reputation and horrific deeds of the past are not to be forgotten so easily...
Relationships: Alastor & Charlie Magne, Alastor/Charlie Magne, Charlie Magne & Vaggie, Charlie Magne/Vaggie
Comments: 10
Kudos: 77





	1. Chapter 1

Another night, another nightmare that wouldn’t let Alastor rest. Awakened, surrounded by darkness, in fear and tears. Despite the fact that he learned to control his emotions, he just couldn’t help but cry. Alone with only the light of the red moon, feeling abandoned... as if something is missing from him. He knows exactly what happened in his past life and yet he can never accept that and get over it, neither his mind can by constantly creating these horrors of the night. All these feelings… all these events constantly stuck in his head and looped like a broken record. He hasn't slept well for a week now, anytime he closes his eyes he hopes only for nightmares to end. 

These ordeals are something he sincerely hates since they are the only reminder left, after so many years spent in hell, that Alastor was once a person with feelings and dreams. Too bad, he learned about the fragility and meaninglessness of aspirations and hopes in the harshest way, by seeing everything he ever believed in falling apart in front of his eyes, with no hope left for recovery.

Such events made him insecure about his future and point of continuing. In the time of great need, there was only one person on earth to care whether he even exists, his old friend. She was the only reason why Alastor was able to find a moment of something not understandable for him... ease… the unreasonable peace of mind, whenever she was caring for him or asking about his day, he couldn't fathom. He never realized her affection towards him since after years of losing his wit over murders he committed there was nothing to move his heart again.

He never felt true love or affection… At some point, if not his fascination in human behaviour and planning his every next step he would have never tasted passion as well. Alastor always felt like no one understands him, as if not even a single person would perceive what he ponders or thinks. Deep inside he wants to be understood by another person one day but he had no will to find that person when he was still a human. Back then, he used to keep his mind focused on simply completing the goals he arranged, he never felt any emotion that was more fulfilling for him other than the feeling of dominance over others so he was absorbed in that passion.

Just a walking corpse with ambitions and abilities to stand on the top, no matter the price. Not even he knows why he is so attracted to the feeling of dominance he craves so much, it’s not even clear for him if this is what he is actually after.

A long time ago he was just a human… fragile and weak, after his actions began to be visible for those who he should fear, it was obvious that his days were counted. Single-handedly he stalked and killed the boss running a drug business around his city, not to take over the organization, not for any revenge... but to feel like he is the one who decides about life or death of someone so important, to feel like he is the god for the man whose life lays in Alastor’s hands.

His death was inevitable, yet, he couldn’t accept the fact that he failed to achieve the impossible goal he imposed. He used to hate himself for not completing his unreasonable dream. The feeling of weakness and helplessness was not something he ever wanted to feel again, he maniacally promised himself to never fail his own expectations again, even if that means killing everyone in his path.

From the first days in hell, he realized that there is no point in scratching all these old wounds and instead he should focus on moving forward with his new life, to forget what was and move forward to chase his maniacal dreams in hell. It was far more complicated than he could anticipate. His past mistakes and failures seem to be stuck with him forever, just to remind him that inside he is and will always be something he hates so much… a human.

He promised himself a long time ago, in his past life, that one day he will be the one to rule over everything, the way he achieves that does not matter. Whether through the sacrifice of his own or the others. Maybe then he would feel true happiness.

He never wants to feel the same feelings of helplessness and weakness he constantly felt while he was still on earth, afraid of feeling failure and disappointment. 

Alastor was always a resourceful person, he never hesitated when the opportunity to increase his power and the terror he carried with his presence arrived. After years of tricking others, betrayals and sacrifices of both his wit and sanity he finally achieved something close to what he always wanted but the feeling of void and emptiness could never disappear. Along the way, he made many enemies but also those who he can consider something close to “friends” and not just partners or his puppets.

That leads to a few memories that Alastor never wants to forget, they are far too important for him.

During his “rouge” years when he was only focused on tricking others into making deals with him and gaining authority he never thought that there is someone in hell who he would respect, he assumed that nobody on the world truly understands his struggles and his mind, not until he met a certain gambler in one of the casinos.

It was obvious that those who seek only money and other physical goods are perfect ones to be tricked and used as puppets. Greed is a particularly strong and tempting feeling, it’s easy to manipulate those who are being devoured by it. Alastor knows about that perfectly, he only needs to find the right target.

He approached one of the tables where demons were playing poker for medium stakes, clearly risking all their life savings, and just stared while analyzing them all. One of the gamblers seemed particularly interesting for Alastor, the grim one… someone who clearly didn’t care about winning or losing, he seemingly only cared about keeping his mind busy so he won’t be left alone with his thoughts, yet, greed is always present in everyone so he made a perfect target. A lost soul, wandering around the world without any peculiar goals, he would surely love to find the peace of mind. Alastor could give it to him but for a price… he smiled widely as the gambler left the table after winning, his face was as grim as it would be after defeat.

“My dear fellow, I noticed that you’ve just won an extraordinarily high amount of moolah!” Alastor said with a wild smile and warm cheer in his voice “I would love to see you playing as I am a starting gambler, you see, I have money of course so trust me it won’t be a waste of time for any of us!” he said whilst using his entire charisma and charm. 

The gambler gave Alastor a cold look. He knew something was not right about him, it’s not a behaviour that people here show… no taunt in his voice… and this joy… The gambler knew he should keep an eye on this stranger but there was not much to lose so he accepted.

“Drinks are on you and I’m in!” he said while judgingly pointing his finger at Alastor.

Alastor nodded and after a while, he brought everything the gambler would ask for. The cards have been dealt, the game has begun. The only thing left for Alastor to do was to see what the gambler truly seeks and make a soul deal with him. Nothing unusual at that point but he truly loves to watch others finally break inside and beg him for ease after he deals with them.

“So what is your main tactic? You seem to be focused but you never show a single emotion except when you are about to win.” Alastor asked while raising the stakes largely.

“...the point is that there is no tactic, I’m just sitting here to kill some time. It’s a waste of time for you to ask me that… and waste of money to compete against me, hah!” Gambler said while doing a check.

“Oh please, there surely must be something you seek the most! Is it wealth? Love? Or perhaps something more?! What's your story, morning glory?” Alastor said with a confident smile and curiosity in his voice while dealing next hand after a loss.

“After losing that much money you can call me by my name smiley, the name’s Husk… and I don’t like your tone, you are way too curious about me. The piece of shit in front of you has nothing interesting inside.” He said with a rejecting voice. 

“Oh, don’t be such a pill. Just look at you, you are a walking mystery, Husk… So is it happiness you seek? You look like someone lost in this world.” Alastor said with rising curiosity. The gambler gave him a hostile look.

“What can you know about happiness you filthy scum? You look like someone who only wants to deceive others, don’t lie to me, your some kind of a fucking deal maker about to trick me to sell my soul for some bullshit you are about to tell me! Huh?!” Husk asked with anger in his voice while leaving the table with a combative look.

Alastor was speechless, he didn’t know that some tired of life alcoholic and gambler would notice so much about him. Despite the smile, he was furious and disappointed in himself. How could he fail such a simple task… or maybe there is something more behind that man. After turning around he saw that the gambler suddenly stopped. Alastor was astonished that he still stands there.

“The thing about happiness is that you only know you had it when it's gone... I mean, you may think to yourself that you're happy. But you don't really believe it. You focus on the petty bullshit, or the next job, or whatever. It's only looking back, by comparison to what comes after, that you really understand that's what happiness felt like” Husk said with a calm and depressive voice while slowly walking away.

Alastor has never felt such inspiration. This man was certainly someone who Alastor can relate to. Strong mind, yet, lost in this empty world. Someone finally understands his struggles. He couldn’t just let him go.

“Hold on…” Alastor quickly said.

Such memories were for Alastor something he never wants to forget. They show him that he is not as lonely as he initially thought. Yet, he understands that since his goals are still not clear he must keep following his primary objective. He will never forget the feeling he felt in that moment… it is unclear for him what it was. Did someone finally understand what he feels like? He couldn’t answer. There was no time to waste for him on thinking about feelings and so he spent next years doing the same thing he was doing before but keeping in mind that there are indeed those who he seeks to get close to.

“This chase after power over others seems to be endless... yet, I think I enjoy it.” he thinks every time he gathers his thoughts while trying to look for ways to saturate his inner demons. He doesn’t realize or doesn't want to, that this is not the way for him to feel satisfied and that power and control are not what he truly seeks.

About two years later he saw the princess of hell trying her best to change this world and failing miserably. After seeing the opportunity of getting close to the royal family he just couldn’t resist it. The doubtful and desperate princess was eager to accept any kind of help that would get her closer to achieving her dreams or at least not losing her mind. It was the best chance for Alastor to strike.

Watching from afar He noticed the princess... crying... at the very end of her wit. Doubting in everything she has ever created or believed in. About to lose her entire joy and enthusiasm. 

“She is being called a failure and humiliated her whole life, huh, can't blame her for finally considering giving up.” Alastor thought, yet, he didn’t understand the feeling he felt towards her. Despite the fact that he only wants to use her as the puppet in his game he felt confused with the fact that he feels bad for her in his own way. Perhaps Charlie reminds him of his own life...his own struggles...

He quickly rejected these thoughts as he had to keep a clear and focused mind. Ready to finally step on the path that may lead him to understand his own mind and desires. To the feeling of fulfilment and true happiness that supposedly is hiding behind absolute power.

As he proceeded towards the hotel’s doors his mind was full of ideas and possible scenarios. After finally choosing his way of approach there was nothing that could stop him. He felt confident because he, like none other, knows just how a restless soul, that is about to give up on everything she ever believed in, would desperately crave for any help in challenging and mentally exhausting times.


	2. Chapter 2

Alastor opens his eyes, irritated and weary. It was hard for him to fall asleep after realizing that the next day is going to be the most influential one in his whole life yet. It's warm and sunny outside, not even a single cloud. Birds fly and cheerfully sing outside of the window. Neighbours greet each other as they pick up the morning newspaper from their porch. Kids walk to school while blithely singing and laughing. It was a perfect day for his long-planned notion. He made some strong black coffee and listened to some music on the radio while slowly sipping the drink to calm down a bit and prepare himself mentally.

For weeks now, he has been researching the whole structure of the drug organization in his city. Many gangsters have been brutally interrogated by him, giving him an in-depth look at what he should expect. Every single clue about his target. All of the routes the boss can take, all of the restaurants he visits along with every place where he stays at night. He was ready for everything, weeks of planning couldn’t go into waste.

Many graves were dug before he gathered all the intel he required. His gun and knife were all he needed to fulfil his ambitions and even kill everyone who stands in his path. He smiled widely as he knew that this was his day, he could finally play with such an essential persona, to make him beg for life, to feel like a god for him. The excitement he felt whenever this thought went through his mind was unimaginable.

He was very impatient all along the whole process. After all, many times during the time of planning the temptation of just grabbing the Chicago typewriter and going loose was unreasonably attractive. He felt such rancour mixed with hatred towards himself every time he realized that such a deed is not possible outside of the world of imagination. There was only one thing that presumably held him away from such a mad action. The quote from a certain book that Alastor finds wildly compelling.

"All men dream - but not equally. Those who dream by night, in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity... But the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes, to make it possible. This I did." From T. E. Lawrence's Seven Pillars of Wisdom.

Whenever this quote went through his head he felt howling inspiration. For he was the dreamer of the day, the one who has the will to make his profound ambitions come true. His tenacious and intelligent mind is ready to face the future, no matter what may await for him.

The chills and wild enthusiasm he felt at the moment of approaching his car seemed like a reason for him to live. It was not the adrenaline that stacks up while driving the car closer and closer to the final destination, not the dopamine he gets whenever he thinks about achieving his goals… no… it’s the feeling of passion finally being put to a test that made him push every limit of his mind. This is what makes him ready for everything… even to walk through hell with a smile.

The drive towards the hotel where his target always stays on Saturday nights was extraordinarily hard for him, so many thoughts going through his mind, he couldn’t even stop nervously tapping the steering wheel. His jittering foot was not helping in driving the car, he was more excited than nervous.

At last, he found the parking spot and gently prepared himself for a long stand by, it was only noon. Alastor wanted to arrive early and spend this day on mental and physical preparations. This was his big day, after all, he couldn’t make a single mistake. Since his Chevrolet 1924 was such a common car no one would pay attention to him. Besides, if his car would stay near the hotel for the whole day then it won’t be suspicious if someone would ask for it later.

Finally, the right hour has arrived. The sound of boss’s black Duesenberg’s eight cylinders was heard throughout the entire city. Alastor would never try something so crazy if not the fact that the boss is such a weak man, easily controlled by simple temptations, like sex and drugs… and so he is a nymphomaniac, he was an easy target since every Saturday he spent the night alone with one of the molls he changed constantly. The only security was busy drinking their Micky Finns and ignoring their life problems.

Alastor was getting a bit too excited when he thought just how easy this plan is. He slapped his face a few times to keep a cool head and be ready. After feeling the pain and kick of adrenaline his smile seemed to be an everlasting addition to his face.

“I had strings but now I’m free… there are no strings on me” he kept menacingly singing in his car while rubbing the blade of his knife from excitement.

This was it, the final hour, the moment he has been waiting for his whole life. No time to waste. Many times he watched his target on such a day, nothing unusual at that point. As someone with such limitless life possibilities as the boss of a drug organization, this man was living an excessive routine… that was his final nail in the coffin.

Alastor knew that the best way of going inside is to use the staff doors in the back of the building. Seemingly the easiest way to the boss's room while avoiding the unnecessary attention from the guards. The only downside was the fact that the employees wouldn’t greet him so he must be really careful.

Seeing the employee taking out the trash was a perfect opportunity to sneak past her and go for the rest of the hotel.

Although Alastor had a different idea, the employee had a perfect item to stay unsuspicious while roaming around the hotel, her uniform. Stealing a female suit was not the best option but he knows that as long as he stays quiet no one would pay attention to him while from the distance he would be unrecognisable. The rush of adrenaline went through his veins in the time of approaching her. He smiled widely knowing that her last hour had come, he felt no remorse in killing such a young woman. No one can stay in his way, no matter who they are.

Her posture was thin, lightweight means fewer problems while getting rid of the body, Alastor smiled. She was pretty tall, almost as tall as Alastor himself, it was another upside for him since it would be easier to stab her in the neck, no need to bend down. Her blonde hair has been showing through the hat... must have been pretty long. Slowly and with grace he approached her from behind.

Alastor quickly grabbed her arm and as he was reaching her throat with the knife…

“CHARLIE?!” he shouted while standing frozen in consternation.

After a few seconds of silence, Alastor subconsciously put down the knife. He was confused... Why would he do that? Hundreds of thoughts went through his mind, he couldn’t control himself. His own mind showed her benevolence and stopped him from executing his will.

“Y-you…” he mumbled.

Suddenly, he woke up in his bed, nearly screaming. Angry, yet, concerned. It was his second night at the hotel. Why is such a naive puppet interrupting his dreams?! He was confused… why from all of the people he ever met… Why was SHE there?! Why did he hesitate to plunge the knife inside her throat? She means nothing to him, why would he subconsciously show her mercy?!

He had to think it through. After leaving the bed he approached the window and opened it to get some fresh air. The view wasn’t something pleasing, as always, just a seemingly never-ending city full of crimes and sins. It made Alastor slowly neglect the storm of thoughts about his past life since this place quietly reminded him that these times are over. After a few deep inhales his heartbeat stabilized.

A fresh start of that day was supposedly all he needed. Heading to the bathroom he tried to forget about that night and that dream. Splashing cold water on his face helped him to focus a bit. Meagre and uncontrolled laughter went out of his throat as he subconsciously tried to turn that dream into a gag. As the wide grin returned to his face he focused his eyes on the mirror. His reflection gave him a confident smirk on its own.

“No such thoughts could cross my mind. That’s absurd, a simple blasé feeling... I can’t start a day being so evil! Just going to get togged to the bricks and put on a wide smile!” he said confidently as his reflection was nodding to him with a chilling grin.

He knew that after yesterday, which he simply went through in silence with an excuse of having a tour around the hotel, Charlie will surely ask him about his forthcoming plans that include the future of her project. It was very important for her, Alastor knew that and so he would love to avail that.

He is not yet certain about the details of his future plans, he knew too little to determine his way of approach. Whether he should stay as long as he can to finally understand all of Magne family’s secrets while his inpatient side will suffer or should he face Charlie in a more determined way while risking his entire future at the hotel. Other scenarios haven’t even crossed his mind, there was no place for sentiments in his road to power… or at least his inner demons made him believe that.

After the concerned and excited look on Charlie’s face during the breakfast, Alastor knew that the time to finally talk about the future has come. As he wanted to act assertively he was the one to tell Charlie about the deliberation. His mind was full of ideas to earn Charlie’s trust, the only problem was that little voice of reason always standing next to her- Vaggie.

She was not so easily impressed. Alastor knew that if he won’t act convincingly and trustworthy Charlie will eventually open her eyes. It was in Alastor’s best interest to not let that happen. Every word must be perfectly matched, his tone of voice along with gestures. This was no time for mistakes. Alastor smiled widely and mellowly invited the ladies to the hotel's main office while delicately bowing like a gentleman. As everyone took their seats Charlie raised her voice.

“You know that this-”

“That this meeting was necessary?!” Alastor interrupted quickly while friendly laughing “Oh darling, of course, I did, that’s why I invited you in the first place. We have so much to talk about, I can’t wait to exchange our ideas!” he said with a disarming charm. Vaggie gave him a hostile look.

“I don’t like your tone! We are not here to talk about you or your ego... and the way you ignorantly interrupt in the middle of the sentence just proves my point!” Vaggie said while crossing her arms and looking the other way.

From the first day of his arrival, she couldn’t get rid of the feeling that Alastor is not someone who can be trusted, even further, someone who should be remotely close to her and Charlie. She always has to take the role of protector and the voice of reason, she trusted her love, yet, she is aware of her delicate naivety. She always hopes that, if left alone, Charlie wouldn’t blindly follow her emotions, which can be manipulated, and would think it through by herself. She feels odd when she has to teach her that, despite the fact that Charlie is over one hundred years older than her but she is eager to keep trying.

“Darling, there is no time for booshwash, now, our…” Alastor stopped for a second and then nervously continued ”... this ambitious project requires a lot of work!” he said while agitatedly smiling. Vaggie gave him a judgemental look.

 _OUR?_ He thought  
_When it became “our” project?_  
_What Am I even saying?!_ Alastor kept asking himself.

“Ok… let’s just all calm down,” Charlie said calmly while placing her palm on Vaggie’s shoulder, she warmly smiled “We are together in this now, we should work as a team, as a… family. There is a lot of work awaiting us!” she said with an affectionate and friendly tone.

She always tries to see the good side of every person, such an approach is being laughed off by most but she never lost her hope to see people slowly opening up and overcoming their inner demons. Charlie knows that she must be careful when approaching Alastor, yet, the urge to know him better, to know what kind of person he truly is was irresistible.

Alastor felt weird. She knows him for two days and already thinks of him as a friend… as her “family”. The confusion he felt after Charlie showed respect towards him… not caused by fear… it was something he couldn’t remember feeling before. “Why would she?” he thought.

“Splendid!” Alastor said, “I suppose that great start to this project would give us a proper advertisement, you failed to achieve that two days ago but fear not, I have an impeccable idea!” Alastor suddenly stopped talking…

 _What was that feeling?_ he distractedly thought  
_…enthusiasm?! It can’t be...focus, you weakling!_  
_Don’t let them distract you!_  
he hatefully thought to himself. Charlie and Vaggie stared at him with confusion. Charlie was certainly disturbed by his behaviour, he looked like someone who could really use a calm discussion but she knew that someone like him would never allow anyone to do it, only he could start such conversation.

“Is something wrong, Al? You are acting… confused.” Charlie asked with warmth and true care in her voice, something Alastor didn’t want to feel.

“That’s nonsense, darling” Alastor lied, he was indeed bewildered, no one in hell has ever shown any interest in his feelings with real care… he felt weak. He had to clear his head, he had to escape before he would lose his wit in there.

“I have simply lost my thoughts… I won’t continue, for now, we shall leave it for later!” Alastor tried to sound as charismatic and calm as he could while hasting towards the doors.

Charlie was disappointed, yet, she looked upset. Vaggie quickly stood up and threw a spear at the doors in Alastor’s path.

She felt furious when he simply ignored them and tried to leave. No trust was one thing for her but taunting ignorance, as she supposed, was not something she could withstand. Vaggie knows that Alastor has greater power but this was not concerning her as long as Charlie was safe. Her actions left the princess saddened since she didn’t want to see people she cares for fighting with each other.

“Not so fast!” Vaggie shouted “ If there is anything you are doing behind our backs I will make sure you will pay!” she said while judgingly looking at Alastor who stopped.

Charlie looked into her eyes to signalize that she should let him go this time. She didn’t know the reason for his sudden urge to leave but she didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable by forcing him to stay. She knows that everyone has their weaknesses and never wanted to frustrate them with that. She had to let Alastor leave, for him and for the peace of her own mind.

Alastor nervously, yet, ignorantly smiled and left the room.

After that moment his anger was raised. Quickly he headed towards his room. He didn’t want to talk to anyone about this, just calm down and forget. He hasn't felt so weak and helpless for many years now. He hated these feelings the most, they always remind him of the past that he futilely tries to escape from. Bringing back bad memories of his ruined dreams made him melancholic.

As he was passing the bar, his close friend, Husk, was cleaning the shot glasses and drinking, supposedly busy. Alastor tried to pass him and act like nothing ever happened in order to avoid overwhelming questions. They were close to each other as friends, for Husk, like nobody else understands Alastor’s mind. Both keep high respect for one another.

Husk noticed Alastor failing to calmly walk past him. He knew that something was not right. This is not the state in which he sees Alastor every day. An urge to ask him overtook the thought to let him be alone. Husk knows that when someone like Alastor feels down, something must be really out of place.

“What’s with that haste, partner?” Husk said mockingly, yet, with care. He didn’t want to anger nor upset him, just talk and help.

Alastor looked at him and tried to choke out some words. He clenched his fist and bit his lips. His seemingly eternal smile was close to disappearing. He failed to say anything and turned into the direction of his room. He had to calm down before proceeding with any interactions. His past-life-memories overflooded his mind, he promised himself not to ever feel these emotions. He has stepped up with his walk. Couldn’t wait to see the doors to his room.

 _Someone like him… fails to choke out a single word..._  
Husk thought. He cares for Alastor and despite the fact that he felt an urge to comfort him in a conversation he knew that forcing him to confess won’t help.

 _Huh...Sometimes it feels better not to talk. At all… About anything… To anyone._  
Husk knew that everyone needs a space to breathe and to face their own demons alone, no matter how harsh it sounds. The cat demon turned his eyes to the glass he was cleaning, giving Alastor a sigh of understanding.

Alastor took a deep breath as if apologies and left Husk’s view.

After he arrived and closed the doors he realized that it won’t be so easy for him to calm down… not this time… not here. He had to move to his house, the first place he thinks of when trying to reassess and unload his emotions. His little, safe and quiet place. Exactly what he needed to calm down and think through today’s events.

As Alastor instantly appeared in his house, he felt better right away. The sight of books, laying in perfect order on shelves filling nearly the entire room, along with his armchair and soft blessing of warmth and beauty of flames dancing in the chimney gave him a chance to catch a breath. He placed his palm on the side of the chair while rubbing it and gently took a seat.

Usually, this was enough for him to relax and reassess, yet, this time he couldn't calm down so easily. Too many thoughts… his mind and his body were in shock. His jittering foot showed him that there is much to discuss with himself.

After a while of sitting in stress while fighting his thoughts, he had enough.

Uncontrollably he started to punch his head, he had to unload his anger… one way or another. With every strike, the next one angered him even more and was getting stronger. Gruesomely, it was exactly what he needed.

“You pathetic… useless… weakling!” He kept shouting with fiery fury in his eyes.

As the punches to his head lead him close to losing consciousness he stood up and took a good look in the mirror. His reflection representing his inner demons looked at him with disgust. He couldn’t recognize himself. The line has been crossed. He dropped to his knees and started breathing heavily as he grabbed his chest listening to his heart. The feeling of such weakness was something he couldn’t stand… not alone. There was only one demon in hell who could help him clear his head and get rid of doubts- his dearest friend Husk.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 12th July update: I updated Husk's dialogues to fit his character more, as previously his lines weren't really immersive. I hope they are more appealing now.

Still, on his knees, Alastor desperately begged his shattered mind for this inside conflict to end. At that moment, he imagined just how pathetic he looked while laying on the floor, nearly crying… an overlord with such power, someone who worked his place in the hierarchy of hell by backbreaking work and many sacrifices of both his wit and soul... He clenched his fist and furiously hit the ground with cold sweat on his face. He stood up and flicked the dust from his knees. His teeth tightened and his red eyes were now heading towards the mirror in front of him. Alastor took a deep look. 

On the other side stood the man with an expression of chagrin… with an expression of shame. His own reflection, embarrassed by the man who created it. Whispering words that he didn’t want to understand. It felt like an hour to stare into that abyss of hatred and fear. Alastor’s anger has raised.

_Stop it..._ He furiously thought as his breath distorted.  
_Stop it…_  
_Stop it..._  
“STOP IT!” Alastor screamed as he smashed the mirror.

He felt weak on his legs and while grabbing his seemingly dead heart he sat on the carpet. Alastor couldn’t understand why he just resorted to such primitive anger… and why releasing all of it somehow gave a positive outcome, yet, he felt like he was about to throw up. The amount of stress he felt at that moment was paralyzing. After closing his eyes he could only hear his own distorted breathing and the clacking in the fireplace. He spent a few minutes in that state. After that time he opened his eyes and just stared at the flames graciously dancing in the chimney, at that moment Alastor felt… release… as if something keeping him chained to the abyss of his mind has perished. 

After some time his breath slowly stabilized and emotions calmed down. The storm devouring his mind has been serened. Deep inhale made him able to regain focus. He managed to crawl back to his armchair and cooled down a bit as he took a seat. He steepled his hands and started to nervously tap his fingers into each other. After a while, he covered his face with his palms to feel a bit safer in the darkness of his own making. Something pricked his cheek, he didn’t note it before because the amount of adrenaline coursing through his veins was still immense. Noticing the glass shard stuck in his right hand he started to passion fully inspect it. 

_What a glorious view… the essence of life even is such a place…_  
Alastor thought as the blood kept flowing. With grace, he got rid of the shard and smiled.

Pain… the feeling Alastor could get rid of so long ago, yet, he never wanted to. He felt like without it, his mind may go insane by losing his previous awareness and thoughts just for them to be replaced with a bliss ignorance to the impulses of the world around him. That makes him feel like a reasonable person, someone who tries to fully understand the world around him… feel it... not just pass up straight to the result. That pain reminded him why he should keep on searching for his reason to prevail, that he should oppose his own demons to fully understand his mind.

At that moment, he perceived the determination to face his fears. Quickly, he stood up, his current mood has promptly bettered. He enjoyed it as if he just broke the chains containing his mind… he felt like he could burst into a song. He wasn’t sure why his humour had met such a change. It was so sudden, he kept asking himself what happened to him? He felt free…

As he ruffled his hair he was ready to have a serious talk with the one who can understand him. Before leaving his house Alastor prepared some tea and sat in silence while looking at the flames rising from the fireplace, it was clearly a pleasing view for him. His wide smile came back to his face, the first time in a while, not forced... not faked, he felt real ease and that brought him true joy. 

As he was enjoying his tea, the grim shadows gathered around him… his inner demons… the darkest part of his mind that he finally managed to reject in the name of his own feelings and passions. Alastor paid no attention to them, they were as good as non-existing now. He felt like a different person, someone who gave up on the endless and futile chase after the wind and was ready to face his real feelings, to find himself.

It was getting late at the time Alastor appeared back inside the hotel, the overwhelming silence was calming and gave him the confidence to talk sincerely with his dear friend. The red moon started rising, dark clouds appeared above the streets of hell… nightfall arrived. The sounds of rain always bring tranquillity to his mind, they were like music to his ears, the ambient tunes he didn’t need to understand. Simple and beautiful. It was a perfect opportunity for Alastor to talk with Husk, the chance of someone interrupting their conversation was ignorable.

Despite the profound and respectful friendship between Alastor and Husk, many exchanged thoughts and understood feelings, it was always slightly embarrassing for Alastor to ask for advice or passionate talk. The feeling of sharing his reflections with another soul and leaving them to their judgment at first seemed like a sign of weakness… always left a bad taste in his mouth to inquire about such contemplation. Yet, during said conversations, Alastor was always eager to talk after they started, he felt a peace of mind and composure. These were the feelings he valued the most, the ones that allowed him to keep going.

There was no surprise in the fact that Husk has been sitting at the bar. Luckily, he wasn’t more drunk than usual, he was able to talk with full wit. The cat demon seemed to be busy with cleaning the glasses, he seemed contemplative. There was no one around him so Alastor could peacefully begin his approach. With a confident yet calm walk, he arrived at the bar. Husk didn’t pay attention to his steps and proceeded to polish the glass in his hands. As Alastor tried to talk, Husk took the initiative without raising his sight.

“Hmph” Husk signed “You look like shit!" he said while smiling “I’ve been suspecting that this time, our talk would be more somethin’ more than the other ones…” the cat demon said as he focused his eyes on his friend.

Alastor showed Husk a warm yet worried smile that made the cat demon take a deep breath as a sign of understanding. With a warm beam, Husk moved the bottle of alcohol standing next to him away and gracefully turned his palm towards Alastor to show that he is ready to listen. Alastor felt a ray of hope at that moment. He smiled and looked at the window above the bar, a calming view of raindrops hitting the glass gave him the courage to proceed with the conversation.

"By now you surely know that a certain happening occured between me and… others" Alastor said as he was nervously scratching his neck. Husk showed a smirk while delicately starting to turn his head around "I… I came here to ask... how… she-" 

"She’s been asking a lot ‘bout ya after you left that chat, she seemed so fuckin’ concerned I had to hold my laughter… Oh! and also you missed so much by not seein’ Vaggie's face, hah!" Husk interrupted while crossing his arms with a sneer on his face.

Alastor felt awkward after such an insensitive reaction from someone he wanted to share his feelings with, which he does extraordinarily rarely. Husk only wanted to clear the air a bit with some humour, he felt sorry knowing he failed. The cat demon was aware that his friend was close to leaving and so he started approaching the stool next to him to make Alastor feel more comfortable.

He knew that Alastor is not someone who likes to be pitied, it was worse for him than losing but everyone needs a friend to understand his feelings. Husk wanted to sit next to him in order to show that he is here to listen to what lies like a burden on his friend's heart. As the cat demon was gently getting closer, the sound of rain was the only ambience sound, he calmly took a seat.

"As Schopenhauer once said, 'Great men are like eagles, and build their nest on some lofty solitude'” He focused his red eyes on his friend “My dear friend… I need to ask you something” He said while taking a deep breath “Do you think… Do you believe that in order to be great, one should wander this world alone?” Alastor started anxiously tapping the table.

"I'm ain’t no fuckin’ psychologist!” Husk shrugged, with consternation in his eyes.

Alastor looked the other way as if he wanted this question to never be asked as if he felt ashamed of putting so many of his problems on others’ shoulders. Husk knew that he upset his friend, he always knows what emotions he hides under that grin of his. The cat demon clenched his fist and solidly struck his leg, not from anger but from the regret of saying such words when Alastor clearly needed help. After a moment of uncomfortable silence Husk took a deep breath and said:

“All I can tell ya is that if inside you always felt empty and... never could satisfy this unknown hunger for some unknown shit... then you’ve just been hidin’ your true identity under the mask that makes you avoid… facin’ your true self." after placing his hands on the countertop of the bar and looking at the window with gracious raindrops running down the glass.

Alastor looked surprised, he couldn’t believe that the words he just heard could shed so much light on his speculations. Husk started to laugh warmly after he saw how he left Alastor speechless.

“What?!” Husk asked with joyful pride on his face ”Never thought that some tired of life alcoholic can say somethin’ smart? Didn’t do this in a while, ay?” He said as he started snickering. Alastor stood a moment in silence and lowered his head. Husk wasn’t sure whether he made him even more upset.

At that moment a warm chuckle left Alastor’s throat, the cat demon felt much better at that time as this laugh was not faked, this was a clear and genuine laugh that he hears so rarely from him. Husk joined his friend in the laughter. Alastor felt like that was exactly what he needed, a warm and honest joy. After a moment his giggling turned into loud laughter as he covered his face with his palm. Husk was glad to finally better the Alastor’s mood.

After a while, despite clearing the air and bettering their moods, they both knew that the problems and doubts are still there. Yet, with a better frame of mind, it will be easier for them to talk openly and without obstacles. Subsequently, Husk got an idea to relax by spending a bit of time with some fine alcohol, to clear the mind a little. After standing up, he headed for the other side of the bar and poured a glass of bourbon with ice for Alastor. They both knew that time for jokes should be over. Alastor’s smile weakened after a while. He picked up the glass and stared at it as the ice cubes were melting, he took a deep breath.

“Hmph” Alastor signed “I suppose a glass of some giggle water won’t hurt… However, we still have a discussion ahead of us, my friend” Alastor said while savouring his liquor. 

Husk didn’t waste much time and started preparing his cherished drink- Moscow Mule. His friend looked at him with care, as he wanted Husk to keep the cool head. Alastor knew that sometimes when Husk starts to drink, it’s hard for him to stop.

“Don’t worry, smiley,” Cat demon said as he started mixing “It’s just one... I promise.” He said with honesty.

Alastor smiled and focused on his own refreshment as a sign of trust. Husk came back to his seat next to his friend and took a small sip.

"Look, if you really think that you have feelings for someone then you should give it a shot, no shame in that… maybe you’ll feel happy for once, isn't that what we’re all looking for in our own ways?" Husk said as he focused his eyes on the window.

“I… I’m not certain… Leaving my whole past life behind and trying something so distant sounds eerie… Yet, somehow tempting...” Alastor said while slowly gulping his bourbon “What if I won’t be able to recover in case it all fails?” He took a deep breath.

Husk lowered his face into his hand, covering his eyes.

“Goddamnit, are you seriously that fuckin’ scared of tryin’ somethin’ new? You gave up on technology and I get it, you give no shit. But givin’ up with tasting love in your life? That would have been a real mistake.” Husk said while turning his eyes around “From my experience, it’s worth it even if you have no damn clue how to love. I didn’t know that. But I would do all of this shit over and over again ‘cause despite not ending well, I never had a better fuckin’ time in my shitty life… well, maybe only when I’m lyin’ unconscious on the floor.” He said while smiling widely as he took a deep gulp of his drink.

Alastor felt as if something heavy just fell off his heart. Husk was right, he was afraid of trying to know these feelings as he was worried it would make him vulnerable… weak...

_Could this feeling really make me... stronger?… better?!_  
He thought as he finished his drink. 

“I suppose you’re correct... I can’t just limit myself to my comfort zone!” Alastor said while standing up and showing gratitude to his friend “I believe I understand now…” He said as he was leaving the bar while humming delicately.

Husk smiled, as he knew that Alastor is feeling much better now and knows what to do. Although he was curious about what he realized at that moment and couldn't resist asking.

“Huh? Understand what?” Husk said while finishing his drink with a curious smile on his face. Alastor stopped.

“I've been led from the start by that demon in my head… behind my eyes and my mind” Alastor said while walking away with a confident grin on his face.

It was late at night at that point. He knew that there is no point in bothering Charlie with his presence so late. He wanted to leave it for the next day, not only for the emotions to cool down for both Charlie and Vaggie but also to think of his way of approach. The tiredness he felt was simply calling for some sleep.

He started approaching his room as he heard the impatient knocking to some doors, echoing around the hotel so late at night. By the ferocity of the punches, it was obvious that Vaggie, probably alongside Charlie, was trying to see him without a positive attitude about the meeting. No words spoken, just knocking. Charlie, seemingly, wouldn't agree on such an approach. Alastor felt like this was the sign of an absence of a princess, which would make this easier for him.

As Alastor climbed the stairs he stopped behind the corner to judge the situation. Slowly he moved his head towards the corridor. He wasn’t surprised by the view of Vaggie knocking the doors with visible anger. Yet, he felt chills running down his spine as he noticed that Charlie was shyly standing next to her with doubt in her eyes. She seemed to be thinking that this is not the right way of approach, that his privacy shouldn’t be invaded at that moment.

Alastor had to make a move, yet, he felt weak on his legs when he thought that this would mean approaching Charlie and talking to her. He went back to hiding as Charlie grabbed Vaggie’s arm and told her gently to stop.

_Why again? Why from all the demons in hell I dealt with… why she makes me so… fragile?_  
He thought as his heart began to beat quickly. He felt the rush of adrenaline. His breath destabilized. The only thought crossing his mind was of how he should approach them after such an unusual situation he left them in. This time it won’t be as simple as it was when Alastor first arrived at the hotel. This time he is not the one dealing cards...

After a moment of silence, he took a deep breath and decided to face them right here, right now. To finally confront his fear and, perhaps, overcome it. 

Alastor began leaving the shadows that sheltered him. He tried to step as loud and confident as possible, yet, inside he was afraid of what may come next. Alastor knew that this can’t wait forever, he wouldn’t be able to focus again if he won’t know the truth hiding behind himself and his own feelings.

He tried his best not to miss a step or trip… he never felt like walking could be that complicated. His heart was nearly popping out of his chest, yet, he had to remain calm.

Both Vaggie and Charlie noticed his presence in an instant. Princess had to gently stop her love from rushing at Alastor with a spear, he felt relieved that no violence would arise. As Charlie grabbed Vaggie’s arms she began to whisper to her in a calming way. She put her spear down and took a deep breath. Alastor knew that despite no violent actions being taken, the moth girl will be as aggressive as she could… He couldn't blame her… The ignorance he left them with was calling for antagonism towards his character. 

He honestly regrets that... for the first time in his life... but the deed is done, now he only can, and wants to, revise the future awaiting him and everyone around. At first, he had doubts about this hotel, about being a genuine part of this whole project, not just the puppet master. Despite all the hardships and complicated relationships between them, Alastor feels that, perhaps, they are those whom he was seeking for such a long time … a real family.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the re-written version of this chapter.
> 
> In the beginning, I would like to apologise to everyone who was even slightly interested in reading my fic. I had a pretty grim mood when I was writing the previous version and as I read it now I regret writing it without checking the compatibility with previous chapters nor the believability of the characters when it comes to their behaviour. It left many of you confused and trust me, that was not how I would like the story to flow. 
> 
> This time, I feel a bit better knowing that at least I made a certain direction of this fic in my mind and I think this time I made it all clear and with more sense. As some of you may have noticed I try to make the characters, despite all of us not knowing much about them, as canon as possible, meaning that I try to make you feel like this is how the story may have gone. I didn’t want to start with characters’ different feelings and afflictions, I try to make you see the characters in my fic as we all have seen them and loved them in the pilot, I’m not sure if I fail miserably or not so feel free to write a comment about this. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this version more, I will try not make the re-writes in the future. Have a wonderful day.

Alastor lived through so many years in hell while being the kind of a person who keeps a cool head in almost every situation, someone who always thinks of hundreds of possible outcomes of certain scenarios before they occur. The one that plans his every step that would lead him to success and follows it perfectly. The power he possesses… the position he has… they were all hard-fought by both planning and predicting, seeing outcomes that no other soul could. Improvisation used to be a sign of weakness and instability of both mind and body for him. He felt some kind of unexplainable freedom in his current actions.

This time his approach was not planned nor predicted… there was only him and his feelings alone. Something he never listened to before… never understood. This time, he refused to complete his demons’ will, the will to control and rule, to be a master of all the puppets. Alastor distorted every thought that would lead to predicting the outcome, he had to face it at that moment… he had to feel it.

As Alastor got closer to the princess he noticed that the moth girl is certainly not calm, despite many calls from her love, her anger will surely take over reason shortly, her temper is not something he wanted to deal with knowing how important she is. Vaggie never felt positive about Alastor’s presence but that wasn’t the most important thing at that moment, he knew that she can only change her opinion by seeing his future actions.

After Alastor’s talk with his dear friend, he felt the courage to meet the lovers with a smile, for them it was fake, just something he walks with daily to appear more confident and powerful... they didn’t realize that at this moment it was a genuine and heartfelt representation of his feelings, confused and twisted… yet real. The dark shadows started gathering around the princess just to taunt him… mock him, as the insane thoughts nesting inside his mind had no reason to believe that he could change. After all, his past actions speak for themselves… but the more he contemplated them, the more he realized that this was not really him.

The sound of rain outside was calming, he took a look at the window full of the raindrops gracefully flowing down. Despite being in a better frame of mind, Alastor couldn’t get rid of the feeling of discomfort that was accompanying him all along the way. His heart was still beating at a rapid rate and the adrenaline coursing through his veins was not the most enjoyable feeling but there was no turning back now.

Both of the women felt angry at Alastor in their own ways. Vaggie felt clear fury, her blood was about to boil, her destructive temper was like a raging ocean. Charlie on the other hand, while being a bit shy and concerned, felt… disappointed, one could even say that this little ray of hope felt upset after such an outcome of the situation.

 _I wish that at least the princess realizes just how much I risk while doing all that…_  
Alastor thought as Vaggie approached him. He took a deep breath.

“I hope you had a good-...” Vaggie started shouting, she was interrupted by the princess placing her palm on her shoulder to calm her down. She took a deep inhale and continued with a milder and slower tone “I hope you had a good reason to leave that chat today”.

Alastor felt like he wanted to just say “I’m sorry” and express his every feeling. Yet, he was not ready to share all his burdens with tears in his eyes in a second and look, for him, like a small and pathetic weakling. Such an image in his head would be unforgettable… and unforgivable. He fought through hundreds of opposing forces just to get his current position, he felt like he couldn’t just leave all of it behind… despite not agreeing with the inner demons controlling him, he must have kept a reason and choose a slow approach.

“My dear…” Alastor calmly said with a grin. He wanted to clear the air a bit by speaking in a positive tone “I simply blew my wig when I thought about all the marvellous happenings awaiting us that I simply lost my head” Alastor said with wild enthusiasm. He suspected that after claiming he got honestly too excited Charlie would regain her famous joy “… I just needed some fresh air to sort things out” He smiled widely.

“And it took you the entire day to ‘get some fresh air’?” Vaggie raised her voice. She knew that after such a long time of, seemingly, ignoring them there was something more than just “getting some fresh air” behind his words. She didn’t understand that Alastor in that time has gone through worse hell than she could imagine.

Alastor didn’t know if he should answer with honesty, he wasn’t sure if he would be understood. The shadows watching from behind Charlie started mocking him… laughing and humiliating in his own eyes. That may have raised his anger at first but after that, it was changed into the determination to face himself.

After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Charlie left her quiet seclusion in the shadow and took a stand next to her love. She wanted to clear the air a bit.

"Ok, let's just... start over, shall we?" Charlie said in a calming and determined tone while placing her palm on Vaggie’s shoulder "Al, you joined us as you promised to help with the hotel." She continued, Alastor started feeling confused but kept listening with patience "And even if you're doing this just for your... entertainment, I am grateful that you gave my project a chance. I felt... a bit down today but I should give you all the time you need. We are together in this, don’t forget that" Princess said with a warm smile while hugging her love. Alastor felt odd.

Vaggie looked at her with bewilderment. Surely, it looked like this is not what they talked about before. Earlier, Charlie stood in the shadows, seemed to be shy and doubtful, Alastor couldn’t understand such change. Her exceedingly positive attitude was confusing for him. He met so many who acted in such a way just to earn others’ trust and then backstab those fools… he was one of these. Yet, she seemed to be so genuine… so pure that now Alastor felt even more conflicted inside.

He thought that after what he has done there is no way that someone would ever look at him in a way she does. He spent so many years in hell now, seen so many things… felt so much, yet, never thought that one of the feelings would be affinity, or how he didn’t want to name it “love”. All this time he spent on fighting his insane mind just to feel the same now?! He didn’t know how to continue. On one hand, he wanted the best for her… to protect her, to be a part of this family but on the other hand, he had doubts if that is even possible if it’s not too late… if he wouldn't hurt them in case his… different self would take over.

“Are you sure about just letting him free?” The moth girl asked as she took a deep look into her love’s eyes “Charlie, look at me” she said while grabbing princess’ shoulders and whispered to her “We both know that this is not someone with a single and plain plan. He must have different reasons… and this may not end well” Vaggie said with concern. Alastor didn’t need to hear these words to know that the moth girl is troubled about Charlie’s trust towards him, Alastor didn’t blame her but felt motivated to change her mind one day.

Charlie took a deep breath while looking at Alastor. She knew that, seemingly, someone like him will never admit he believed in such change nor redemption… She gave him a chance because she notices something inside him, not just an overlord many should fear, she saw a person, a twisted and lost one… she knows that everyone has something that they have trapped inside, something they try to “suffocate” hoping it dies… trying to drown it but it always manages to crawl back up and ruin themselves.

She saw how confused and, in his own way, stressed he was upon leaving their talk back then. At first, she didn’t understand it, so she started worrying about his presence in the future and his help… Now, she thinks she understands his mind, distorted and complicated. Gruesomely, she couldn’t see that Alastor thinks of her as the reason for his change, as someone he longed to meet his whole life.

The princess delicately placed her palm on her love’s cheek. Afterwards, she turned towards Alastor focusing her eyes on him.

“I hope tomorrow you will share all the fine ideas you managed to collect during this day. It was a long one.” Charlie said in a positive tone while gently nodding one time to Alastor as a sign of understanding and looked Vaggie in the eyes to calmly leave “ I think all of us could use some rest now” Princess said as she headed in the direction of her room.

“Of course, my dear…” Alastor answered while delicately waving “see you… tomorrow…” He quietly added. After standing in that one spot for a moment he took a deep breath.

The princess didn’t even realize what she just caused inside Alastor’s mind.

Through years he has been the one giving orders and understanding the point of view of everyone standing in front of him to receive their trust, that’s why he managed to fool so many, to be the puppet master. And right now, a small and little soul knew so much, yet, so little about him. She is on the right track to cracking his case but he fears what she may discover then...

He opened the doors of his room and slowly approached the armchair. After taking a seat he tried to relax after such a long and exhausting day... but he knew that the inevitable awaits him, that made him feel extraordinarily stressed. Shortly after, a burst of slow and evil laughter… coming from the shadows, frighteningly echoing around the place was the only thing he could hear.

He closed his eyes and tried to ignore it as much as he could.

“The great Alastor… broken by such little soul… pathetic!” the dark voice whispered from the shadows while Alastor was uncomfortably sitting on the chair, nervously tapping his foot.

He rejected every word that has been spoken and hasn’t answered. He didn’t want to hear it.

“Is that all you have inside?!... only enough to make a naive little princess see through you… weakling!” the dark voice slowly continued.

Alastor knew that this voice was a representation of the darkest pits of his mind. The abyss he was afraid to gaze into. He could feel his heart nearly bursting out of his chest. He blindly looked at the window.

 _Leave me alone…_  
He desperately thought before he smashed his fist against the armchair. He felt a wave of vast anger, he didn’t want to let it out as he feared this is what his inner demons want. He was afraid of losing control.

The chilling laughter began again. Alastor started to feel a genuine fear at that moment, for the first time in so many years… not fear of pain or death but the fear of being taken over by the monsters lurking deeply inside his mind.

“You actually think... that all the sacrifices you made along the way mean nothing?...” The dark voice slowly said before it started its laughter again “You think you can just leave everything behind?...” The voice continued “...You forgot about one thing…” the sinister and chilling chuckle started.

Alastor was only wishing for these voices to stop, he grabbed his head and covered his ears as he bent down to his legs in silence. He knew there was no escape but he didn’t know what to do.

“WE OWN YOU!” The dark voice shouted as the grim shadow grabbed Alastor’s shoulders with its claws, ripping the skin and flesh… Alastor cried out in pain, yet, he knew he couldn’t stop it. After a moment of agony and pure dread, the grasp disappeared and the thrilling silence came.

Alastor was then left in utter stress and disorientation… alone, he covered the wounds with his hands and curled up on his armchair in silent suffering. At that moment, his distorted breathing nearly made the heavy raindrops hitting the window muffled. The day will come when he will have to make the final decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if you feel like I apologised enough but I think that I should do it again since I feel like I owe you more, sorry you have to read this chapter now with a different story than the previous version, I hope it won't discourage you to stay with it in the future. I got my lesson and trust me, I learned from it.  
> I would like to thank all of those who gave me comments and helped me better this fic.  
> I appreciate that you give me a chance to improve. Feel free to comment in the future, folks.
> 
> UPDATE: it's nearly June by now and I didn't post anything simply because I don't really feel motivated to continue because of the toxicity of the community, I also need a break from HH and I see that many artists are doing the same thing. I apologize those who even want to look at this fic but I don't want to write in the time of "war" that seems so pointless (obviously I mean Chaggie vs Chalastor). Seeing this community so divided and conflicted is simply exhausting and uninspiring... just chill out and don't destroy this great universe, please...


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while since I left this fic but I truly needed the break I got.  
> Right now, I feel eager to continue and I am full of ideas.  
> At the very beginning, I felt like I wanted to write this fic to mostly test myself while also improve my skills as a writer. I feel confident to claim that this work is not a total disaster as I thought, and despite this pointless and toxic war still going I finally got a breather.  
> I hope you will enjoy this chapter, feel free to tell me what you genuinely think of it.

For the princess, that night was supposed to be the relief and solution to so many problems. She was hoping that her actions and words comforted Alastor and brought him some faith. Charlie wanted to help him with her positivity and empathy… despite not fully understanding his motivations and mind. It helped many broken and lost souls before, to cheer them up and give them a reason to feel joy.

In such a place, where hope and comfort were just a memory for so many, she never stops in her everlasting mission to save those who don’t deserve such horrific fate. Her will is remarkably powerful and tenacious but even she needs someone to back her up.

Gruesomely, despite purest intentions, she didn’t forecast that her actions only led Alastor’s feelings towards her to strengthen… along with his inner chaos and confusion. He felt lost inside… shattered. Luckily, his resolve, despite being struck so many times, survived that trial. He wanted to find a way to attain peace inside his mind. He wasn’t ready to share all his burdens with the rest since he knew that the monsters lurking inside are surely waiting for the moment of his weakness… for the moment of vulnerability. “They” gave him a chance to make up his mind, patiently waiting. After that night… After not getting a satisfying answer, these horrors were, supposedly, just waiting for their chance to strike.

It would have surely been a long and exhausting fight, he was afraid that if this worst-case scenario would occur, those whom he cares for would get hurt or worse… Alastor didn’t even want to think what would happen if he would lose. He never predicted that after arriving at this place he would change so much, that he would feel like a different person. To some extent, he was still his old self, a demon with questionable empathy and twisted ambitions but this time he understood that this may have not been fully him, he finally realized that all along the way he was not the puppeteer… he was the puppet. Thinking that made him feel anger, a fury he couldn’t unload… and, at the same time, a great sorrow as he doesn’t know who he is anymore.

After such chilling events of that night, it was challenging for Alastor to get the rest he needed so much. After some time he managed to fall asleep, curled up in fear and pain. He knew the Princess assumed she understood him along with his pain and struggles… She wasn’t wrong about many things, yet, those she didn’t perceive, like the affliction he feels towards her and the war he waged against his past, make Alastor nearly heartbroken.

After hours of a silent, yet painful sleep, this restless soul felt the gracious rays of the morning light, hitting his back and warming his suit, he opened his red eyes. This morning, there was no sign of the chilling presence of the horrors that haunted him the previous night. Alastor managed to find some peace and composure. He stood up slowly, with determination in his eyes. The initially expected weariness was surprisingly absent, he felt rested and strangely not afraid.

Alastor took off his bloodied suit and took a deep look at the wounds that were left after that night. Now, there were only scars… being eternal reminders. Alastor smoothed them gently while focusing his eyes on the window. Noticing the phenomenon in the sky he lightly approached the glass and placed his palm on it. The rays breaking through the black clouds and the dark red sky were a beautiful and calming view, that let Alastor regain his wide smile and made him feel ready for whatever may come next this day.

After a while, he changed his attire and walked into the bathroom to get a hold of himself by splashing some cold water onto his face. Surprisingly, his reflection was a regular one, not affected by any forces. He thought that after such harsh events of the last night his past would try to break out as furiously as possible. That left him with a feeling of worry, whatever was hiding behind his eyes and his mind surely had a plan. He can’t let his guard down.

As Alastor approached the door he hesitated for a moment, he felt odd. He didn’t think of how to act, whether friendly by making them feel like the previous night truly made him experience catharsis or to keep his mysterious smile while remaining neutral and quiet. At that moment, he took a deep breath and sighed.

 _I… I must take it slow... dig hard and choose my approach... but... I don't want to be that man... not for her… not anymore..._  
_...Although this time, I feel like I have to... for the sake of my own peace..._  
He thought while keeping his hand on the doorknob. Alastor always tended to choose the right way of speaking and acting by analyzing the feelings of those around him in order to gain the advantage, such a psychopathic and manipulating approach was always profitable for him. Yet, this time, he simply wanted to avoid uncomfortable and inquisitive questions along with the atmosphere they could cause. Although he wasn't sure whether he could even do that in front of the princess after the happenings of last night, he felt... being understood, he doesn't want to dishearten her.

Suddenly, a quiet and slow chuckle lasting only a few seconds was heard softly. Alastor turned around quickly and could only notice chilling, red eyes closing in the shadows as the chuckle stopped. The feeling of light anger was undeniable, he clenched his teeth and left the room while slamming the door as he headed towards meeting the rest of residents at the meal prepared by these two adorable, little guardians of the princess.

After neglecting the fact of being secretly observed by dark forces just waiting for his next move and mocking his actions, Alastor was in a surprisingly good mood, even though his problems remained the same. Maybe because of the rest he finally received, maybe because the new day was awaiting or perhaps just a simple dose of optimism, he couldn’t tell but it didn’t matter. He smiled widely and started humming while walking down the stairs.

He met Husk, suffering from a hangover as he wearily and slowly dragged on down the stairs.

“Lively as always, ain’t we?” Alastor cheerfully said while laughing vigorously.

“Shut your smiling-ass up…” Husk grumbled before yawning “I had to drink alone last night, so it’s fuckin’ obvious… get lost...” He drunkenly continued while barely balancing not to trip and fall off the stairs.

Alastor began to laugh and smiled widely. Such a trivial situation bettered his mood. He felt weird by being relieved by such a blasé occurrence and feelings. He knew that his problems were just waiting around the corner, yet, he was… delighted... with this day already. He felt prepared to face all the obstacles. Alastor hates to feel optimism as he didn’t want to become vulnerable but he felt like he could use a good and enjoyable day to mentally rest and prepare himself for what will surely come after.

After walking down to the main hall, Alastor noticed that Charlie and Vaggie were already sitting at the table, along with cute little Niffty who couldn’t sit in one place. Seemed like this morning would be spent in a relaxing way. What made it even better is the absence of that annoying six-handed twit, his behaviour in Alastor’s eyes only shows how plain and mentally weak he is, not to mention how urgent and irritating his actions and words are.

Alastor walked in with a grin and started analyzing his surroundings. The Princess and the Moth girl were clearly in a good mood, and without a doubt, had a pleasant night behind them. Deep inside he felt somehow odd about them being together, he feels an unexplainable affinity towards Charlie and feels like he would cherish to be a close part of her life, yet, he felt somewhat satisfied knowing that she leads a joyous life with her loved one. He doesn’t understand that feeling, this seems like a paradox for him that needs to be solved.

Despite his seemingly, neverending planning and manipulation Alastor deeply wanted to feel genuinely delighted one day, not just a burst of simple laughter from some trivial situation. He wanted to be fulfilled in his eyes… to feel that his life brings him happiness along with satisfaction… and, perhaps, love. Despite the contentment, he kept experiencing every time he managed to crawl into some naive soul’s mind and break it as he wished, there was no joy in it, only more self-admiration. Which eventually led him to feel empty… to feel nothing but void since he had already coded in his mind that he is, seemingly, above all, making it no longer any kind of achievement.

He spotted an opportunity to finally find that happiness when he first time felt welcome in this hotel… like a part of the family. He wants to explore this feeling and get a deeper look, perhaps then some of his problems may be resolved. At this point, he longs to have an enjoyable day, without pain nor worries, to simply rest after all that happened.

Everyone spotted Alastor’s presence quickly, Niffty alongside Charlie greeted him with their warm smiles. Only Vaggie lost her joy upon his arrival, her mistrust towards Alastor was still at its peak, especially after the previous night. She knew his reputation, like the one you should never trust. Not very encouraging for him, although Alastor was certain that her mind can be changed when he would show an authentic contribution to their cause, just as he wanted.

“Good morning, Al” The princess raised her voice, she felt delighted this morning and wanted to be as positive as she could “Ready for another day?” She continued as the breakfast was being served. Vaggie focused her eyes on him with a serious look, surely she wanted to measure the honesty of his response.  
Alastor was truly delighted about hearing Charlie's beautiful voice, he felt like someone so pure shouldn't be hurt nor manipulated in such a gruesome way. He slowly begins to understand just how much she means for him and how much he wants her to be joyous.

“Yes indeed!” he answered with confidence and joy in his voice “Believe me, my dear” Alastor continued “This day will simply be... Aces!” he said lively while happily looking Charlie deep in the eyes and started laughing warmly. He dearly enjoys talking to her. Alastor ultimately decided to be honest with the princess, he felt like the chance he got can not be wasted. 

Vaggie felt odd after such an answer. She knew that this demon is not someone one should trust nor believe in a single word… but from all the words he ever spoke in her presence, these seemed to be genuine and peculiarly not alarming. A light confusion has haunted her head, she now has many suspicions about such behaviour, she is even worried that this twisted psychopath has some feelings for her Charlie...

Vaggie didn’t know what to think, on one hand, she knew that his behaviour became strangely different from the attitude he showed upon his first arrival at the hotel, he didn’t act like a ‘mastermind’ trying to rashly complete all his plans to create confusion and ultimately win as he, seemingly, would... he, instead, became quiet… On the other hand, she didn’t know whether he simply got a hold of his insane ambitions and plans deciding to slowly, yet, with certainty crawl into the minds of everyone in this place and conclusively take over them…  
She decided to stay quiet and observe, while also not letting him get close to her love. She had to protect her at all cost, for she is the light of her life and, supposedly, the last ray of hope for hell.

“Glad you’re doing fine, we have some great ideas about the hotel and would love to know what you think of them!” Charlie said with great excitement while warmly smiling. The breakfast has been served.

“With pleasure my dear, although for now, let's eat. I'm starving!” Alastor said while taking a seat. He warmly greeted Niffty as she was joyfully greeting him and focused on the window to avoid ungracefully staring at the princess, he didn’t want to act non-elegant despite his deepest desire to see her lovingly smiling face.

At that point, Husk finally managed to traipse to the table and take a seat while nearly losing his balance a few times. Alastor started laughing brightly.

“And there he is!” Alastor said loudly and cheerfully “I envy your resolve during such a troubling time, my friend!” he said while smiling.

Husk only mumbled something because of his headache.

Alastor's behaviour towards Husk gave the moth girl an idea. She wanted to find out more about this mysterious figure, which Alastor doubtlessly is, from the one he genuinely calls ‘a friend’… because who else would know such a demon better than, in Vaggie’s eyes, the only one who he truly respects. Later on, she plans to pay a visit to the cat demon and hopes he can shed some light on what is happening at the moment. Although for now, she only wants to enjoy her time with the one she loves so dearly.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took me a while, I know, my apologies.  
> Despite all the things I need to face in life now, this was my first time when I wrote a whole chapter and then just deleted it as I knew it was unsatisfying and poor. I believe this version is better and more appealing, I was truly inspired to write this one.  
> Would love to know what you think of it, have a good read, love you all.

"Ah! Truly, a delectable taste.” Alastor said calmly while gently wiping his lips with a handkerchief after finishing the meal “Now, my friends, shall we confer? I believe it’s a perfect time!” He added while smiling charmingly towards Charlie. Alastor tries not to stare at this ray of hope awkwardly, yet, sometimes this urge is stronger than him. 

Alastor kept allaying the thoughts about the monsters he must face. The slightest whispers from the shadows or the constant feeling of being observed have all been dispersed in his head. He knew that all minds crave peace and composure, no matter who they belong to. He didn’t want such a perfect moment to be dissipated, it was his time to take a breather. 

The princess felt relieved, this mysterious man seems to be genuinely eager to talk. As she suspected, he had to be the one deciding when to start opening up. 

“Of course, Al!” The princess answered quickly “Perhaps not here, though.” she said while calmly standing up and leaving the table "Please, let's take it seriously."

Charlie feels as this demon has already begun to change, she can’t sense the fake and suspicious enthusiasm he showed upon his arrival. Deep inside, she suspects some kind of affinity he feels towards her, judging by the way Alastor, every now and then, smiles and focuses his red eyes on her. Although for now, she keeps allaying these thoughts as she is unsure how to act. Charlie still couldn't fully trust him, she understands the point of view of her love, yet, she deeply wanted to get to know this lost man, she believes that everyone deserves a chance.

“But of course my dear!” Alastor cheerfully replied, “I suggest having a walk while talking, it always helps me focus!” He lively continued after leaving his seat. Charlie nodded with enthusiasm and followed him alongside The moth girl. 

Husk was barely responding at that moment and fell asleep on the table. When Vaggie looked back and saw him, she felt as if facing him in the sober state would be challenging. Yet, she won’t give up until she gets the assurance of her love’s safety. 

As Alastor stepped deeper into the main hall, the lovely couple joined him with a swift pace. He didn’t turn around nor wait for them. The odd feeling of pressure accompanying him as he proceeded kept him away from focusing. He tried his best to keep his composure and already had a plan on how to relax without harming anyone.

“Alright then” Charlie started “Well… Al, how would you handle our current situation?” The princess said as she walked by her love and Alastor. He raised his eyebrow from curiosity and began laughing warmly after a moment.

“My dear, I don’t want to bother the storm of your thoughts!” He answered charmingly “Erewhile, you mentioned your keen ideas!” Alastor continued with joy in his voice “How inelegant of me would be to interrupt you!” Charlie smiled warmly, Vaggie felt surprised when such a demon gave someone else a chance to speak “Please, you first, darling.” 

“Oh, you’re right” Charlie responded while giving a fascinated look at Alastor who kept looking forward as they walked around the hotel “Well, last time you mentioned the ‘proper advertisement’ and I think it’s a great idea!” The princess said with enthusiasm “I suggest trying again when the situation calms down an-” Charlie was interrupted by Alastor’s loud chuckle. The couple felt odd, Vaggie was hoping he wouldn’t act with such discourtesy, it angered her.

“What’s that?!” The moth girl quickly responded, indignant and with clear irritation.

“Oh!” Alastor quickly replied, “Don’t worry, my dear, it’s just-…” he said as he began to laugh vigorously again. Vaggie felt furious about such lousy behaviour.

“¿Crees que esto es jodidamente-... You think that’s fucking funny?!” The exasperated moth girl nearly shouted. Charlie didn’t stop her from that argument as she felt the same disregard in Alastor’s response.

“My apologies, darling. I just thought you were joking!” Alastor answered, still mildly laughing. Charlie looked at him with confusion, The moth girl still kept her antagonism “The chance you wasted before is forever gone now, I have a few swell ideas on how to batter the reputation of this place!” Alastor said with a grin on his face, Vaggie took a deep breath.

“What do you have in mind?” Charlie asked in bewilderment as the moth girl kept judgmentally staring at him.

Alastor began with a confident chuckle “Just look at this place, so devoid of style and taste! Darling, we may be in hell but that doesn’t mean we have to live in such a mess!” He lively continued while gracefully opened his arms wide “We shall make this place more attractive, more luxurious!” Alastor said while nearly dancing “And after that, these lonesome sinners will show up in no time!” He smiled widely as he looked the princess deep in the eyes “... Some may even contribute to our cause!”

Both lovers were left speechless, they never expected such a turn of events. After a moment of considering, Charlie’s enthusiasm and joy were immense. She nearly squeaked, just like during their first meeting, when Alastor brought the rest of the crew to the hotel. She looked warmly and delighted at Vaggie, The moth girl was certainly baffled with such a proposal. She wasn’t sure at first, but after some time she shyly nodded to the princess and smiled heartily.

A grin appeared on Alastor’s face. Subsequently, in a blink of an eye, their attires changed to elegant suits and dresses. Cheerful and classical music has begun. It was a perfect opportunity for him to better understand his feelings towards Charlie as she, just like him, deeply enjoys dancing and singing. With lively and graceful moves he approached the princess and elegantly asked her for a dance while bowing gently. She complied with a warm smile on her face, feeling so welcome and pleased. After the last time, upon his arrival, Vaggie felt truly upset about the way she was treated, yet, this time it didn’t happen. Alastor had no intentions of rejecting her as he realized the pointlessness of having her as an enemy, he craved to be accepted after all, even despite her being with the one he feels such a strong affinity towards.

The dance has begun, and with it, the insides of the Hotel commenced to change. Turned over and damaged furniture received a new life, the inept decorations along with the crates set around the main hall disappeared, cracks in the walls began to vanish and the place around them began changing remarkably, receiving an unusual and luxurious look. The princess couldn’t believe it, it was like a dream. The Hotel was slowly changing into something magnificent. Her true joy was easily noticeable in the way she heartily made her every step with pure content in her eyes.

Alastor held Charlie close to him the whole time while dancing vigorously. At that moment he was the one elegantly leading the dance. He held her hand affectionately in his and often drew her towards him to look warmly into her beautiful eyes as they danced. That restless soul started to realize just how much he would love to spend his eternal damnation alongside her. The dance they had on the first day is nothing compared to what he feels now. Step after step, pirouette after a pirouette, they kept getting closer… feeling closer. Alastor hated to resist his blissed urge to passion fully imprint a kiss upon her lips, it was like an impulse for him, yet, he knew he can’t do it… not yet.

The moth girl seeing all that felt pretty odd and, one can even say, upset. Yet, when Vaggie kindly asked Charlie to dance with her, Alastor compiled without any question and let these two enjoy themselves. Vaggie was surprised but she didn’t hesitate and wanted to spend a marvellous time gently dancing in the arms of the one she held so dearly while seeing the whole place changing to something indescribable, simply beautiful. She came up to the princess, gently and full of love, and took up her hand to kiss it with affection. Alastor, at that time, was nervously tapping his foot from a distance, but inside he craved to see the princess having the time of her life. He had no intentions to interrupt her happiness.

After spending their splendid and careless time while passionately dancing and finding the wild delight in the love between them, Vaggie stopped for a moment without bothering her cherished one. As she stepped aside from the main hall to think things through, Alastor joyfully continued dancing. Looking from a distance and seeing him, acting like a completely different person, not the monster he is known to be, Vaggie's doubts have risen. Although, she can’t forget the lovely time she spent with the light of her life.

 _Who is this man..._  
Vaggie thought as she witnessed Alastor’s genuine contribution to their case. She was deeply confused, every warning and every story she heard about him… what she just witnessed is absolutely out of place. She can’t be sure whether such twisted minds as Alastor’s one can truly change... Although she keeps her rightful mistrust towards him, she would never allow such a monster to hurt the light of her life.

She noticed Charlie being deeply astonished by all she just witnessed and felt while rhythmically dancing. Vaggie was glad seeing her love so delighted, although, she can’t lose her focus. The moth girl gently grabbed Charlie’s arm and swiftly got them out of Alastor’s sight. He noticed that and took a deep breath. He understands what the moth girl is constantly worrying about, he knows how much she can’t get to trust him, no matter how hard she tries. 

All that because of his grim reputation and terrible deeds of the past. What he feels ashamed of the most, is to acknowledge that… All the screams he heard, all the suffering he caused, and all the murders he committed... brought him a good laugh. Alastor is proud of his achievements, he can’t deny it. There is, however, an honest regret and the will to improve, yet, the man he was is not so distant… Sometimes, Alastor doubts that redemption is even attainable for him, but now, a new path in his life has been determined, and he is ready to step on it. He decided to let these two have that talk, without interrupting nor eavesdropping them.

“What do you… think of all that?” Vaggie started whispering to the princess.

Charlie was clearly overjoyed at that moment “That was amazing! And the hotel looks astonishing! I loved every single moment we spent there!” The princess answered with wild amusement.

“It’s… Yes!” The moth girl replied lovely ”I know, it was wonderful!” Vaggie continued lively. Shortly after, her enthusiasm has decreased, she took a deep breath “But… Do you remember what happened shortly after his arrival? He wanted to make a ‘deal’ with you, trick you… I don't even want to imagine what would have happened if you accepted it!” Vaggie nervously answered.

Charlie signed, there came a moment of silence. She peaked delicately from the wall and took a good look at this mysterious man, who was sitting patiently with a grin while humming. Confused and conflicted she lowered her eyes in adversity and slowly turned to the moth girl “...You’re right… we can’t be sure whether he tries to buy our trust... I’m sorry for putting you under such stress, Vaggie” Charlie said while warmly placing her palm on her love’s cheek “… But I don’t know what to think anymore, I really want to give him a chance… he seems so different...” Charlie felt a bit upset after facing that highly possible scenario, given the man he used to be.

“Please, promise me you’ll be careful around him!” Vaggie said full of care, she became silent for a second as she looked into Charlie’s eyes. Afterwards slowly and shyly continued “I can't allow him to hurt you…” The moth girl gently grabbed the princess’ palm and smiled warmly, cherished “I would die for you… I love you!” she said with a soft tenderness in her voice.

The princess blushed as the beautiful smile appeared on her face, she nodded confidently with affection. That gave the moth girl the encouragement and assurance she needed. Charlie may seem, at first glance, like someone ‘naive’, like someone who would mindlessly waste her entire potential for something that won’t work out, It can’t be further from the truth. She always thinks of her actions and plans, Charlie, in reality, is a bright mind, and all that she believes in has a solid justification. Vaggie perfectly understands that the princess’s methods may sometimes be rather rushed, although the final result is always well thought and she always keeps her word.

Vaggie felt safe to proceed with her initial plan to dispel her doubts. Seeing Charlie, regaining the hope in her beloved project, because of the man they are supposed to fear and never trust, made her debate inside whether this demon has truly changed. She can’t be certain yet.


End file.
